1,2,3 = A Happier Me

This weekend was our first book club meeting.  The book we tackled was The Happiness Project.  Let me tell you, I definitely recommend reading this book.   Not because it regurgitates an exact list that you need to follow to ensure your happiness, because, let's face it, any book that does that is full of BS.  So why then?  Because this book makes you think about YOUR life, and YOUR happiness, and YOUR project.  The key to reading any book like this is to remember, it's not a one size fits all.  There is no, I did A, B and C, so now I can check them off and be happy for the rest of my life.  It is a continuous journey.

Does that last statement sound ominous or too hard?  Well, for myself, doing all the things that seem easier never really brings me any kind of lasting happiness.  Instant gratification may seem easier, but the crap that I am left to deal with afterwards is actually a lot of work.  For instance, I eat fairly healthy, but do allow myself treats once in awhile. The times in the past that I would eat junk repeatedly may have seemed easier in the moment, but then I was left feeling like #$@&.  My arthritis would act up, I was grumpy, then those around me became grumpy, so then I felt guilty, which then caused even more horrible physical, emotional and mental feelings and symptoms.  Now, those once in awhile treats of a sweet or greasy food are just that, a treat, instead of a habit or convenience.  Eating and preparing healthier options may seem like work for some, but for me, the payoff is so much better.  In reality, my awareness and proactive efforts of my health does, in fact, bring me happiness.

After reading the book and discussing it with others I found that, although I may not have resonated with everything she said and did, I was able to begin thinking about what my project would look like.  I guess, in a sense, I had already begun my project at the beginning of the year when my family started our gratitude jars.  So, yes, that is where I am beginning my project.  I don't think I'm taking a shortcut by going back to something already started because the gratitude jars are an ongoing project that lasts the entire year.  In the book, the author tackles lots of ideas and goals.  I decided my project needed to be simpler, so that I didn't feel overwhelmed, and to increase the chances of me sticking to it and creating those lasting life habits.  Remember, most importantly, this is MY project.  This isn't what yours has to look like.  It's just a place to get the wheels turning, for you to think about what you may want for YOUR project.  Ready for phase 1, 2 and 3?  Here we go…

Phase 1: Gratitude

First up in the gratitude department was the gratitude jars (GJ).  I don't even remember where I had seen the idea, probably Pinterest or something.  Anyway, it is an ingenious concept that reminds me to appreciate all the good and abundance that already surrounds me.  The last few years our family has done vision boards, which are also fun and inspirational, but the GJ seemed like a new way to practice gratitude on a more consistent level.  My oldest got all of the supplies, jars and decorations (for us to make our jars unique to each of us).  Each day we write a simple sentence or word that expresses the good in our life, then place it in the jar.  That's it, it takes only seconds. The best part is that it causes us to think about the good, instead of reflecting on the negative. This has been especially helpful on days that seemed not particularly pleasant.  Here's the payoff, it creates a new habit of looking for the positive, and at the end of the year we get to read each slip of paper to remind us.  As I continue with each new gratitude item, I keep the items I have already implemented so that my gratitude muscles keep growing. The next gratitude item I recently added is to appreciate how much better I feel when I get enough sleep.  This one I just started, so I will keep you posted on my efforts!

Phase 2: Organization

This is something that I started at the beginning of the year.  Notice I said started because, just like the gratitude jars, this will be an ongoing goal.  Clutter is inevitable for most of us.  There's that spot on the floor that clothes always get dropped, or that drawer in the kitchen that odds and ends find their way to, or my all time nemesis, the counter that acts as the drop off for everyone's stuff.  In a family of 5, plus LOTS of animals, clutter abounds.   Organization can seem like a daunting goal in my project so I decided that instead of trying to do it all at once, and feel completely stressed out, I would break it down into smaller organization projects (OP).   It's no secret, I love being in the kitchen.  So, you guessed it, that was my first OP.   This took several days because I broke down which areas of the kitchen to do each day.  I want to stick with it, attempting to do the entire kitchen in one day would have been too much, and too frustrating.  Day one and two, I organized the spices, moving them to a drawer for easy viewing and access.  Day three and four was the cabinet that contained oils, vinegars, super foods powders, flours, etc.  Day five and six was our pantry, where all the extra and duplicate items are stored.  I took a break for a few days, then went on to where the cookbooks and dishes are kept.  I am not done yet, but already it feels soooooo much better.  Not only is it aesthetically pleasing, it has taken away many frustrating moments of trying to find or dig something out that was buried.  Once I feel satisfied with the kitchen area, I plan on moving to closets.  For sanity sake, I will be saving my youngest child's room for last ;).

Phase 3: Be Tiffany

This last phase is a big one in creating more happiness in my life, and ultimately, for those I interact with.  A key phrase that resonated deeply with me throughout The Happiness Project was to Be Gretchen (the author).  Such a simple statement, but can encompass so much.  I am a people pleaser and nurturer by habit, and it often brings me great pleasure to make others happy.  However, it also can bring tremendous stress and pressure at times. Sometimes, when asked or looked to for help, I didn't really want to do it, but felt I had to.  When this occurs, instead of being happy, I was irritated, which creates this unpleasant cycle of reactions.  If I did something I really didn't want to just to please someone else I felt annoyed, I would be short with responses and agitated overall.  This, of course, was readable to that person, who then felt irritated with my reaction.  So the whole experience ended with bitter feelings instead of happiness for anyone.  I did something I didn't want to in order to please someone else, but instead only made them feel bad too, kind of defeats that entire purpose I did it for, right?  Over the past few years I have been making sure to take time for myself, and to be okay with that, which is a hard thing to do when you're not used to doing that.  Taking this one step further to create true inner peace is to put into practice those two simple words - Be Tiffany.  I am bringing more awareness into whether I truly want to do something or not.  This isn't selfish because it is causing me to be honest with myself which, in turn, allows me to be more authentic to those around me. If I can't, or don't want to, do something I now will nicely decline, refer them to someone or something else better suited, or ask them to choose another time for me to help.  I realize there may be times where people take offense, this is even more so with close family and friends who have been used to me dropping what I am doing to help them instead, but that will be par for the course.  I value my health and happiness, so this is an important part of my project that I intend to continue, they will get used to it :).

I am excited with my happiness project and goals.  Since this is MY happiness project, I may decide to add additional goals in over time, but for now, I will focus on my three phase plan.  I already am feeling positive shifts in my well being so I know it is working for me.  Hopefully my project efforts will have a domino effect, in that, if I am genuinely happier, those around me will be too.